<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>The Warmth of Purple by IvyCpher</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25767319">The Warmth of Purple</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvyCpher/pseuds/IvyCpher'>IvyCpher</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Asexual Character, Asexual Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Asexuality, Coming Out, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, talking about sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:01:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,305</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25767319</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvyCpher/pseuds/IvyCpher</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes a lot for Roman to accept that he is asexual, it's hard but he feels better with himself once he accepts it. The only thing left for him to do is tell his boyfriend Virgil.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>119</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Warmth of Purple</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>As soon as Virgil left to go to the bathroom off their bedroom to clean himself up, Roman threw all the blankets off himself and began putting his clothes back on. He felt gross and tired and nervous, a horrible way to feel really, but it was becoming the norm for Roman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had had sex with his boyfriend Virgil. Not to say that it was their first time having sex, it wasn't. Over the course of the three years they had been together, they had had sex more times than Roman could count. But it was the first time that they had had sex with Roman knowing that he was asexual.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was… a very hard fact for Roman to come to terms with, but knowing that he wasn't broken inside and what he was feeling was normal made him feel happier than he had felt in years. Besides his newfound happiness with the asexual label, however, there also came a gigantic amount of worry that always nagged at him whenever he thought about his asexuality or his boyfriend Virgil. Roman loved Virgil more than anything, they had been together through so much even before they became a couple, but he didn't know how he would react to him being asexual.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil was apart of the reason why it took Roman so long to accept that he was asexual. For the longest time- Roman knew what asexuality was, but he was afraid of being it because he was worried Virgil would be mad at him or might even leave him over him not wanting to have sex with him. So there was a period of time where Roman tried out everything with Virgil, dearly hoping that something would just feel better to him than what they were previously doing. Roman tried topping, nothing. They tried a multitude of new positions, nothing. Nothing they tried easied Roman's anxiousness about sex or gave him any pleasure. On top of the normal worry on whether or not he was giving Virgil enough pleasure and was making him come, Roman was overwhelmed with the new worry of being asexual.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then Roman put more research into asexuality and it's broad spectrum. He talked to aspec strangers online under random usernames about their experiences with asexuality and asked them questions about his own experiences. Many people who he talked to actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>related </span>
  </em>
  <span>to the things he was going through, not enjoying being touched- even by their partners in intimate manners, feeling horrible after sex, and even having trouble experiencing their own climax during sex. And Roman related to many of those online strangers from their experiences too, things that he hadn't noticed about himself until he saw them talking about it; loving romantic stories but being apprehensive about reading anything new, even if it interested him, for his fear of coming across a sexual scene, and a preference to masturbation over sex with another person just to name a few.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was after Roman talked to all of those wonderful people online and had his own feelings affirmed that he knew he was asexual. It took a whole world of weight off his shoulders and made him feel better about himself. Being able to put a label to the things he felt made him feel like he wasn't a lone oddity in the world with no reason for being different, but a part of a community. But even the knowledge that Roman wasn't broken and had a supportive community behind him did little to calm his anxieties in telling his boyfriend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But sitting there, alone on the messied bed in his and Virgil's dim bedroom, Roman knew that he could no longer keep his sexuality a secret. He was doing nothing but making himself feel like shit by having sex with Virgil when sex made him feel so dreadful, and it wasn't good of him to keep lying to Virgil. He knew that if the roles were reversed he would certainly want Virgil to tell him his true feelings on such an important matter. Running a hand through his disheveled sex hair, Roman sighed loudly. Because for as much as he wanted to tell Virgil, he also didn't want to tell him. He wouldn't know how Virgil would react afterall, and he didn't want him to leave him just because Roman didn't want have sex with him anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So lost in his conflicting thoughts, Roman didn't even notice that Virgil had come back into the bedroom until he felt the mattress shift as Virgil sat down at the foot of the bed. Before Roman could react in a way that wasn't jumping like he had just been electrocuted and staring at his boyfriend with his mouth agape like he had never seen him before, Virgil spoke. "Ro'?" Virgil asked tentatively. He reached out to touch Roman's shoulder but then stopped short, drawing his hand back to himself. "Is something wrong? Can I touch you?" All he had on was a pair of jeans, low on his waist and both unzipped and unbuttoned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All Roman could do was nod softly after a moment of unsure quiet between them. "You can…" He said, looking away from Virgil and giving himself a tight hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil didn't hesitate to move closer to Roman at him giving his consent to be touched. He wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close, "What's the matter, Roman?" He asked, studying Roman carefully. "Are you okay?" And when Roman didn't answer him, "Did I do something you didn't like earlier?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No… I mean- well…" Taking in a deep breath, Roman finally looked back at Virgil. "I just… I need to tell you something, Virgil and-" Suddenly there came a stinging sensation to his eyes and he felt like he might cry. So he wouldn't cry, Roman closed his eyes tightly. He moved one of Virgil's arms off of him to hold his hand and opened his eyes again. "It's just something that has been very hard for me to figure out."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman could feel how Virgil tensed as he sputtered out his reply, but where he could really see the uneasiness was in his eyes. Just by the way Virgil was looking at him, with a hard and serious expression, Roman could tell that he was trying to guess what he was going to say next, but he knew what he was going to say would never be a thing that would cross Virgil's mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm… I'm asexual." Roman finally admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of saying anything, confusion filled Virgil's features. Roman could practically see the wheels turning in his mind as he looked at him uncertainly. "But-" He began, taking his other hand off of Roman to bite at his nails, one of his worst nervous habits.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil not replying quickly enough just made Roman feel more worried than he already did. Instead of waiting for Virgil to reply, he spoke again. "I still love you of course." He said quickly. "I would never stop loving you, Virgil." His words began to run into each other the more he spoke and his heart rate increased so much that it felt like there was a little drum in his chest being pounded away on by a toddler who just loved loud noises. "I'm actually homo-romantic and asexual. I just- I just don't like sex, I'm sorry. I've tried hard to like it, I wanted to like it for you but I couldn't. I really do love you, Virgil, I do with my whole heart and body and soul and everything else I have, I- I just can't love you that way and I'm so sorry about it." Since he was talking so fast, Roman didn't even notice the tears that had begun to stream down his face and how it was hard for him to breathe until he was choking on his tears and finally unable to breathe. But even at that point he still tried talking, trying to explain how he felt. "I love you so much, and I just didn't know what to think, and I- I…" Finally, he just stopped and fell sobbing into Virgil's bare chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Virgil's arms were around him and holding Roman in an instant. Virgil held on to him so tightly that it made it even harder for Roman to breathe but he didn't complain. Even if he wanted to complain he couldn't through all his tears, but he didn't want to complain, because Virgil's tight embrace meant that he was still there and that he had not left him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman didn't know how long he cried, but by the end of it Virgil's chest was wet with his tears and his whole head pounded and throbbed with pain like he had been cracked in the head with a metal bat. Only once did Roman's tears stop and his breathing became more or less normal did Virgil speak. "Roman…" He said, so quietly that Roman almost didn't hear it over his crazy loud heartbeat in his ears. "I'm so sorry that you worried so much about this." He gently removed Roman's face from his chest and cupped his damp cheek with the palm of his hand. "I'm so sorry that </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>made you worry. Roman,- Roman I don't </span>
  <em>
    <span>care </span>
  </em>
  <span>that you're asexual. I love you, and I'd love you no matter what…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman's breath hitched and he slowly reached up to touch Virgil's face. "R-Really?" He asked, "You.. You don't mind that I don't want to have sex?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaking his head, Virgil used the one arm he had around Roman to hold him closer. "I don't care at all- I just…. I wish you would've told me. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, not at all." He suddenly grimaced. "And all the times we had sex- I'm so sorry, if I had known-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But you didn't." Roman cut Virgil off. "Please- don't feel bad about that. You didn't know, and I told you I wanted to each and every time." He hesitated, "This is the first time we've actually had sex with me using the asexual label, all those times before I didn't-" He shook his head, "I didn't understand it enough to really know I was ace."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But you knew that you didn't like sex and that you were uncomfortable with it…" Virgil said slowly with a sigh, "Is- is that why these past couple of times you wanted to try out all that different stuff? Because you thought you might like it?" He asked, visibly uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Embarrassed, all Roman could do was nod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a shake of his head, Virgil sighed again. "Roman, I am so fucking sorry."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't be."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But I am, okay? I'm your boyfriend, I want to take care of you- and just knowing that I've done shit that you didn't like…" He briefly looked away and groaned before looking back at Roman, "I never want to do that to you again. Okay? So- please, if there's something that's bothering you, just tell me." He pressed a slow kiss to Roman's forehead. "Okay?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay." Roman exhaled, closing his eyes as Virgil kissed him. From all the crying and all his worrying and from then- all the greatness of being accepted, Roman felt so drained. He had experienced such a flood of emotions in such short a time that he felt like he could sleep for a week straight. "Just-" He opened his eyes as Virgil pulled away and leaned up to kiss him properly. "I was so worried you'd leave me… So just knowing that you don't care, that you still love me- I feel so great. I feel like everything is perfect."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's how I always want you to feel." Virgil said quietly. Slowly, he smiled. "Is there anything I can do for you right now, baby? Let me take care of you… You've been through a lot today. Tell me what you want."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he even knew what he was saying, Roman said, "Sleep." But it was true, with Virgil accepting of him it felt like he had everything he needed in the world. "I am so goddamn tired." He laughed softly. "But- do you think you can stay here with me? I just… I really want you here right now."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding softly, Virgil kissed the top of Roman's head before carefully moving to lay him down in bed. "I won't leave you, Roman." He said, laying behind him and pulling the blanket over them both before putting his arm over Roman and holding him. "Not now… Not never." He whispered in his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman held Virgil's hand that was on his chest and closed his eyes. "I love you," He mumbled, kissing his knuckles. "Thank you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I love you more, Ro'."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There, laying in bed with Virgil close beside him, Roman felt so overjoyed and just full of love for his boyfriend that he highly doubted that Virgil loved him more; but he was too tired then to play the game of who loved who the most. He fell asleep within minutes, so happy to finally be out to Virgil about who he was that he didn't mind being loved the most. In fact… he was grateful for that love and even more grateful for Virgil.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman slept without a single worry. Without the worry of ever having to have sex, without the worry of Virgil hating him and leaving him for someone who would want to have sex with him, without the worry about who he was. Roman slept that sound type of sleep that one was only ever able to manage after a good cry. Roman slept in Virgil's arms and was happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And even though he didn't know it, Virgil did not leave Roman's side once as he slept.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As an asexual person, asexuality is a very important thing for me to see in media. I don't think that there is enough aspec characters in mainstream media and there isn't enough in fanfiction either.</p><p>(This whole thing is totally not a plug-in for my asexual experience hahahaha...)</p><p>Just remember, guys, gals, &amp; nonbinary pals, that there isn't anything wrong with being asexual. You aren't broken or flawed for not enjoyjng or wanting sex, just like you aren't broken or flawed for not enjoying or wanting hot sauce on your pizza. You're valid and apart of the LGBT+ community, and don't let any aphobe let you think otherwise. 💜💜💜 No matter if you're in or out of the closet, I love you and support you. Don't settle for those who don't support you and know that you WILL find more people who will love you for who you are.</p><p>Comments are very much appreciated!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>